Just fuck it.

1. No one believes in me.
2. No one I can complain to.
3. All the people around me are just stupid.
4. Why being brave couldn't be accepted by others?
5. Why is this fucking world is so fucking dangerous.
6. Why am I wanted to be the one that needs to complain?
7. Why am I treated so unfair but ended up I am the one treating them unfair?
8. WHY WHY WHY?!
9. FUCKING WHY?!
10. Why are stress always couldn't be solved by me but needs someone else's help to solve it?
11. I sucked at everything
12. I'm useless.
13. FUCK OFF I'M PISSED!
14. I am a fucking coward because I am scared of everything!!!
15. Just let me die.
16. R.I.P.

Travelling with Le Aunt et Le Uncle.

That is why I said it is not a very "solo" trip to Toronto, because I will also be travelling around with my aunt and uncle. God's gift to them is to let them be a PR in Canada, which is good, because Canada is a very peaceful country with little population of people staying in Canada.

Despite them having a larger land than India, but the population in Canada still lose to India, due to the standard of living in Canada is high, thus, people tend to married without kids.

China Town in Ottawa

China Town in Ottawa

Heading for Dim Sum in Ottawa.

ngao hor (Damn freaking large)

Chee Cheong Fun

Char Siew Bao

Lou Mai Gai

Har Gou?

Lou Mai Gai 

IDK WHAT NAME OMG

IDK WHAT NAME OMG x2

After our lunch (or should I say our tea time?) because we've missed our exit to Ottawa from Toronto, so we actually took 6 hours to reach Ottawa instead of 4 hours only, 6 hours journey is like from Toronto to Montreal, but too bad, we actually booked our hotel in advanced in Ottawa, we can't cancel it, so its sad that I'm not able to visit Montreal :(.

Ottawa town map.

The building arrangement are all properly arranged.

So neat.

When we arrived, it was raining the whole day, we can't visit all the tourist attraction during the 2 days, but thanked God, the weather gets better the last day, I get to take some picture of the Parliament in Ottawa, as well as some...street view and buildings. (all photos are not accordingly arranged)

End product

Making of ...

Maple Tea, this is nice.

Street View

Buildings

Parliament

Street View

The never ending fire.

The parliament view from Quebec.

Let me rest for awhile, Will be posting more photos soon! Take care.

Toronto, Canada (The First oversea solo yet, not so called a solo trip)

I did mentioned before that I will be uploading a post regarding me visiting Toronto, Canada, but I don't think I fulfilled such promise. Well, i try my best to update as much as possible just for the sake of myself.

Before departing from the Airport, I thought I would not be able to sleep well, but till the day before the flight, I did actually slept pretty well. Eventhough I slept well, time still past too slow as I am taking a night flight, so the whole day I was just wondering around doing nothing till evening.

Family sent me off that night and after the custom, I was all alone. The feeling of travelling alone makes me even more excited because the remaining travelling time were all to myself. Sometimes being alone is great, you get to have your own quiet time despite the crowd in the airport.

People in the airport won't talk to you because they are always afraid of themselves being scammed or be one of the drug dealing victim. Well, my flight is around 11pm, boarded up this plane and I am good to go.

Flight essentials (slippers, toothbrush, earphone, blanket)

in flight entertainment.

First meal on board. (these foods are delicious!)

Reaching Incheon, Hello sunrise.

In flight seats (Very very very comfy I swear)

The flight will stop at Incheon Airport and I need to transfer to another plane which will head directly to Toronto Airport. The transfer flight took around 2 hours and I get to stroll in the airport for 1 hour+.

What actually makes me felt a little disappointed is that KoreanAir never delayed their flight. Which made me only have 1 or 2 hours to look around Incheon Airport. Changed some Korean Won to get myself some snacks and I found this ...

I tell you, This is the best chicken ever! 

Big portion but it is quite expensive if you convert it to RM.

Their service is like 5 stars despite a normal shop in the Airport.

Incheon Airport waiting area. 

After 2 hours of waiting, I need to sit in the airplane for another 13 hours. It's struggling but it is worth the wait. 

2nd flight, first meal

2nd flight, 2nd meal.

They also gave us tea time meals but I didn't take any of the food. 

It is something like garlic bread stick.

After 13 hours.

HELLO TORONTO

Canadian typical fast food choice.

Canadian prefer Tim Hortons more than McDonalds,

I tried Tim's hash brown, but theirs are baked, 

I prefer McDonalds because theirs are fried.

After a few minutes of finding the pick-up exit,

Aunt found me and we head to the cemetery. 

This is how their cemetery looks like,

It really looks more like a garden instead of a cemetery. 

Free refill still exist,

Thought all McDonalds do not provide such service anymore,

but now I know, it's only not available in Malaysia. Haha

END OF DAY 1

DAY 2 WILL BE NEXT!

The realization

Hey readers! Or should I said the spirit/soul readers?

Had my internship for 2 months and what I actually learnt is not only about the job scope that I am doing right now but to understand more how people live their life.
However, there may be some of them that had set their own future goals within them, maybe to become a future director? or an audit partner? They may thought of that.

there are really many kinds of personalities in this world.
Some of them will not smile at the people who served them,
Some of them gets frustrated easily.
Some of them may think that they have the rank in this job, they could control the lower level staff.
Some of them like to work over night to prove that they are reliable enough to be promoted.

In this country, most of us do not really have the courage to sound out their own opinion, not like the western countries where they have the so called freedom of speech...That is why working life here will be so following to the rules and regulation of the company. I know consistency is important. Too consistent may make a people go uneasy.

Well...Work doesn't really help a professional to have a better life.
Got tricked by the adults where they always said study till degree or higher so you're able to find a better job.

I don't find this job to be as good as the sweepers who sweeps the rubbish beside the road. The only difference is that they stays under the sun, and we were staying in the aircond room enjoying the aircond. But with the workload, you won't even care abou the aircond because you task distracts you form office back to home.

KTHXBYE

Excited and it's time to grow up a little more mature

Not sure where to start, because I'm out of topic.Not true to say out of topic, because things we being accumulated too long and I don't know where should I start first.

About the happy things, or the sad ones? I think after the worst tragedy happened on my body, I will never had a better life since then. It's horrible and helpless. I don't want to apologize because I know I'll repeat the same mistakes again. Don't dare to promise.

Life were so miserable since then. I couldn't help but to settle all these by myself. Internship still goes on till this week 26/03/2017 , I am super excited. I will be visiting Canada soon this coming April till May. I wish I could change everything when I came back to Malaysia. I hope the environment there could change every single piece of shit of me. I want to change, and I want to change completely.

I will be writing about visiting Canada for the next post. I hope I could provide a better way of describing when I am writing about my Canada trip. So that I could look back on what I've wrote few year later.

Counting down 3 days till my internship ends, I got to appreciate my study life, because working is kinda sucks.No freedom, No exercising. It's tiring. I don't know how will those people live with the job that they don't like? I am not going to get a job that doesn't suit me.

It seems like accounting doesn't suit me after all.

Well.

Random post just to make this blog active again.

See you soon next post.

Ever had the feeling of having your mood swinging everyday?

I do.

I am the one who does not have a stable mindset to go through everyday,

sometimes angry, sometimes happy, sometimes moody, sometimes feeling so lifeless.

And what I've figured out is not about blaming other people but to blame myself by mixing with the wrong bunch of people.

I mean, it's not wrong to mix with them, 

unless you're able to control your attitude.

I am not those kind of person who can controls my emotion or attitude.

When I get excited, i tend to hurt someone,

and when I have my mood down, (which is my current situation)

I'll try to be quiet and started thinking "why am I the one who always bully people and hurting people?"

Depressing huh.

Well, I don't know how long can this thing last but I hope it'll gone forever,

I don't wanna hurt anyone else anymore,

I love being myself,

I like the way how I look but it doesn't look the same as how the others look at me.

But,

I guess this personality of mine is a blessing from God :)

I love being alone,

and I didn't mean that I don't like to make friends.

I like to go out with friends sometimes but...

I still prefer to go out alone when I need to get something for myself.

There are few reasons as well,

1) i don't need to concern about how boring they are if I went for my shopping.

2) I can just have a sudden plan rather than following the plan we've planned earlier.

3) It can be more relaxed.

4) I do not need to follow what they wanted to do.

Friends doesn't know me quite well, because I never tell them how I actually feel. They asked, but I insist not to share it out, even if I did, who will be the one helping me with these problems? Its true that problems needed to be expressed out, they may not help you, but you must be able to find out the problems within you.

Never ever keep it to yourself (but I still keep it for myself), tell it out, share it out as all these problems may be solved within few hours if we shared it out and discuss it together.

This will be my last blog for today. 

Mistakes, All ideas came out in a sudden

Meeting different kind of personalities in this world is truly a blessing from God.
But meeting God is still the best among all of these.
I learn from my real attitude. I learn how awful, how sarcastic, how stupid of having this kind of attitude.
I'm aimless, do not have a specific target for me to achieve, All I did is to ask for suggestion but when people get fed up, then only ideas came out from my mind.

Am I different from the others? Or is this just me alone who felt that this kind of attitude is so annoying that no one even like it.
Wait, why am I concerning about how people thought?
I am with God, forever with God, who cares if the people in this world look at me differently?
It is about what I like to do and what I dislike.

If the person's attitude that I dislike but it was the attitude that I am having, I should change.
God gave me the signal of this kind of hatred attitude that I have.

Human's brain were so great that they can even break the Enigma code in the late 40s'. They only have papers to help them with all these problems. They don't have high technology to help them out, because they try and try and try until they success.
That is why God said, Do not give up, Take action until you achieve what you wanted to achieve in the beginning. People could do things more than they could. But people still have limitations.

We need to take this limitation and make it into possibilities. We can't fly, thus we look for ideas, invent things to help us fly. We won't be growing wings because it is totally impossible. It is out of our power to fly ourselves.

I hate being who I am, it's annoying, now I know why people hated me so much because of my attitude. I need to stay calm whenever people is giving me ideas or even thinking about my future.
I need to be silent for a few seconds to think about the things I want to say. I should not just spit it out what came out from my mind.
I should think before I say, talk, act, do, write, and type. Or else I am going to regret on what I had done in the past.

Deleted my twitter. Trying not to write so many things in the social media. But hey, this is social media. Meh, whatever.