Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The realization

Hey readers! Or should I said the spirit/soul readers?

Had my internship for 2 months and what I actually learnt is not only about the job scope that I am doing right now but to understand more how people live their life.
However, there may be some of them that had set their own future goals within them, maybe to become a future director? or an audit partner? They may thought of that.

there are really many kinds of personalities in this world.
Some of them will not smile at the people who served them,
Some of them gets frustrated easily.
Some of them may think that they have the rank in this job, they could control the lower level staff.
Some of them like to work over night to prove that they are reliable enough to be promoted.

In this country, most of us do not really have the courage to sound out their own opinion, not like the western countries where they have the so called freedom of speech...That is why working life here will be so following to the rules and regulation of the company. I know consistency is important. Too consistent may make a people go uneasy.

Well...Work doesn't really help a professional to have a better life.
Got tricked by the adults where they always said study till degree or higher so you're able to find a better job.

I don't find this job to be as good as the sweepers who sweeps the rubbish beside the road. The only difference is that they stays under the sun, and we were staying in the aircond room enjoying the aircond. But with the workload, you won't even care abou the aircond because you task distracts you form office back to home.


Excited and it's time to grow up a little more mature

Not sure where to start, because I'm out of topic.Not true to say out of topic, because things we being accumulated too long and I don't know where should I start first.

About the happy things, or the sad ones? I think after the worst tragedy happened on my body, I will never had a better life since then. It's horrible and helpless. I don't want to apologize because I know I'll repeat the same mistakes again. Don't dare to promise.

Life were so miserable since then. I couldn't help but to settle all these by myself. Internship still goes on till this week 26/03/2017 , I am super excited. I will be visiting Canada soon this coming April till May. I wish I could change everything when I came back to Malaysia. I hope the environment there could change every single piece of shit of me. I want to change, and I want to change completely.

I will be writing about visiting Canada for the next post. I hope I could provide a better way of describing when I am writing about my Canada trip. So that I could look back on what I've wrote few year later.

Counting down 3 days till my internship ends, I got to appreciate my study life, because working is kinda sucks.No freedom, No exercising. It's tiring. I don't know how will those people live with the job that they don't like? I am not going to get a job that doesn't suit me.

It seems like accounting doesn't suit me after all.

Random post just to make this blog active again.
See you soon next post.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Ever had the feeling of having your mood swinging everyday?
I do.
I am the one who does not have a stable mindset to go through everyday,
sometimes angry, sometimes happy, sometimes moody, sometimes feeling so lifeless.
And what I've figured out is not about blaming other people but to blame myself by mixing with the wrong bunch of people.

I mean, it's not wrong to mix with them, 
unless you're able to control your attitude.
I am not those kind of person who can controls my emotion or attitude.
When I get excited, i tend to hurt someone,
and when I have my mood down, (which is my current situation)
I'll try to be quiet and started thinking "why am I the one who always bully people and hurting people?"

Depressing huh.
Well, I don't know how long can this thing last but I hope it'll gone forever,
I don't wanna hurt anyone else anymore,

I love being myself,
I like the way how I look but it doesn't look the same as how the others look at me.

I guess this personality of mine is a blessing from God :)
I love being alone,
and I didn't mean that I don't like to make friends.
I like to go out with friends sometimes but...
I still prefer to go out alone when I need to get something for myself.
There are few reasons as well,
1) i don't need to concern about how boring they are if I went for my shopping.
2) I can just have a sudden plan rather than following the plan we've planned earlier.
3) It can be more relaxed.
4) I do not need to follow what they wanted to do.

Friends doesn't know me quite well, because I never tell them how I actually feel. They asked, but I insist not to share it out, even if I did, who will be the one helping me with these problems? Its true that problems needed to be expressed out, they may not help you, but you must be able to find out the problems within you.
Never ever keep it to yourself (but I still keep it for myself), tell it out, share it out as all these problems may be solved within few hours if we shared it out and discuss it together.

This will be my last blog for today. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Mistakes, All ideas came out in a sudden

Meeting different kind of personalities in this world is truly a blessing from God.
But meeting God is still the best among all of these.
I learn from my real attitude. I learn how awful, how sarcastic, how stupid of having this kind of attitude.
I'm aimless, do not have a specific target for me to achieve, All I did is to ask for suggestion but when people get fed up, then only ideas came out from my mind.

Am I different from the others? Or is this just me alone who felt that this kind of attitude is so annoying that no one even like it.
Wait, why am I concerning about how people thought?
I am with God, forever with God, who cares if the people in this world look at me differently?
It is about what I like to do and what I dislike.

If the person's attitude that I dislike but it was the attitude that I am having, I should change.
God gave me the signal of this kind of hatred attitude that I have.

Human's brain were so great that they can even break the Enigma code in the late 40s'. They only have papers to help them with all these problems. They don't have high technology to help them out, because they try and try and try until they success.
That is why God said, Do not give up, Take action until you achieve what you wanted to achieve in the beginning. People could do things more than they could. But people still have limitations.

We need to take this limitation and make it into possibilities. We can't fly, thus we look for ideas, invent things to help us fly. We won't be growing wings because it is totally impossible. It is out of our power to fly ourselves.

I hate being who I am, it's annoying, now I know why people hated me so much because of my attitude. I need to stay calm whenever people is giving me ideas or even thinking about my future.
I need to be silent for a few seconds to think about the things I want to say. I should not just spit it out what came out from my mind.
I should think before I say, talk, act, do, write, and type. Or else I am going to regret on what I had done in the past.

Deleted my twitter. Trying not to write so many things in the social media. But hey, this is social media. Meh, whatever.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Not even the friendship stays

Thank you.

No matter how we treated each other when we were in that 3 days 2 nights stay, I'll still take it as an appreciation.
I don't care whether you're reading my blog or you don't.
And you know who you are if you're reading this.

To be honest (but not too honest), I just want to make things clear between the 2 of us, that is why I promise to your invitation.

In the first place, I thought you were those very secretive kind of person. Thought you don't want to talk about your true feelings...or, you don't want to share about what you're thinking inside your heart.
But I was wrong, all this while, it was actually me who doesn't want to listen to what you're thinking, before this when I was so mad at you, I don't even want to listen to what you're going to say and I just shut you up.

I gave you up and that's true. I'll never look into our past from the day I realize that me and you aren't suitable to be together. Never ever.
We don't have the same topic to talk about, we will never agree to each other's opinion, the purpose of us opening up a topic were totally different, etc.

We talked about everything in the room, and, thank you for being yourself when you're in front of me. I am really touched with that. Thank you for letting me know, why in the first place we're not suppose to be together.
You were just too imperfect for me.

I were so into monies and you were so into those ridiculous calculation which I don't understand. This is the one that makes the 2 of us stop talking to each other.
And I'm fine with that To be honest :).

Once again.
Thanks for being yourself. 

Thursday, September 29, 2016


Been chasing iFlix during my semester break, after this, I'm going to face my horrible internship for 6 months, which I did not expect any freedom since I'm interning in the Auditing department, Especially during the month of January till February. Damn, I won't want to work is this kind of department, I should be in culinary arts making cakes, or in sport science making myself even muscular or buffer, or in drama school acting....

But all of these are just not going to happen on me. I've been through this far, I got to continue no matter how I am hating this kind of office work. Pfft. 

Ok, back to my main topic.
Image result for gossip girl
"Hey readers, Gossip Girl here...!"

Hahahaha! okay, I was just copying how the speaker in gossip girl speaks. 

By the way, this American TV series is kind of the highly recommended one from me, I know I am not anyone who has the right to judge this or recommend, but I found it really gives me a shock in the end.
A rough introduction from me. It talked about love, romance, dramatic scenes, broke ups, but no ghost scene. Last but not least, investigating.
Yes, I've watched it until season 3 and that was very exciting. But before that, I do actually took a peak at the last episodes, and you're gonna get shocked! hahahaha.
It suits to those people who are bored, do no know what sort of video they should watch, like romance kind of video, and of course investigating like the Miami's MBI series, etc.
Gossip Girl is able to watch in iFlix. 

Oh yes, this TV series had like 121 episodes in 6 seasons, each episodes has about 40 minutes (exclude the fast forward part at the front). There are too much character to introduce, but the main character is Serena Van Der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Blair Waldorf, Chuck Bass, Nate Archibald, and of course, the gossip girl.
There are also sub-main characters, where you guys can search on google! Haha!
Okay, that was the end of this TV series

Image result for 2 broke girls
2 Broke girls.

The main characters are Max Black and Caroline Channing.

Before I start my introduction, I should named my children's English name with one of the TV series that I've watched. Their name Are creative and AWESOME!

This is an entertainment TV series which is something almost like F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Their every single conversation are full of insulting, joking around with little serious conversations between them, especially Max Black. She's a character almost like ME.
And I'm actually looking for a girl like Caroline Channing, whom I can insult on every single day without hating me.

But the other characters inside really makes me wanna punch them. It is because they way they talk, and the way they acted really....They owe me a punch! hahahaha! just kidding, but by the time you watched this series, you know how I felt!

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Planning and control

I bet this post may be saved as my draft again, there are actually a total of 11 drafts that I drafted before this, but fortunately I didn't post all of them,
those drafted post looks so foolish after reading them.

Been inspired by one of the ex-Emirates cabin crew from the day I knew her, but I bet she wouldn't recognized me, we knew each other in the same company but in a different department.
I was just a 15 y/o filing girl during that time but....How lucky am I that she asked me out for lunch during our break time.

I was so bashful till the extent that  I don't know what kind of topic should I brag about. But there's another colleague accompanied us for lunch, which, kinda made me eased throughout the whole lunch session. 
Her English is wayy better than me, that is why she had been offered for that job, no doubt, H-A-H.

Back to the main topic, my life had been so miserable when I started this specific subject called performance management, the lecturer never ever stop mentioning about planning and control.

"When you want to control, you got to plan"
Opps, sound so different to my current life now,
I didn't plan on what I should do the next day, 
I didn't plan on what I will be working as in the near future,
neither thinking about realizing my own interest. (because I don't even know what my interest is).

But anyway, I tried planning my schedule once, but I failed to comply with what I've scheduled on my calendar. I gave up after that. Well, I should try other method but I didn't, I just gave up right away.

Then I found out that some of the future activities that I should be participating it, I forgot when was the actual date. Sometimes I even missed out the activity that I signed few months before, which is quite saddening, I paid for that price but yet i missed out, even though is only RM5. (H-A-H)

After this incident, I tried to give it a try one more time, (Thanks to my phone for having a calendar to remind me after I set the reminder alarm.) which then I found out it is quite useful and I never missed out any activity after that.

There are some time where I do not have plans but a direct decision being made by me. (lets go for food hunt!). Mostly are KL area of course. haha.

Sometimes planning does play an important role, but planning may be in a shorter time frame or in a longer time frame or middle. As long as you're well prepared, nothing is going to run any further from the plan you've planned.

Calendar for me is essential, because it serves as part of my reminder as well (a silent reminder I shall say, because it never reminds me when the specific time I set reached).

Till then, and I didn't make this blog post as a draft!!! (actually I did few days ago, I wrote the other half today)